What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
