Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
