I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
