im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
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