its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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