dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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