This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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