walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
He did a backflip because drugs
So apparently I’m into choking now
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
