i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Randomize
