Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
