i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i just google imaged poop.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
