Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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