And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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