I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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