it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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