There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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