And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
