I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
My penis needs a shock collar
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
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