I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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