so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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