no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
