Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
