I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
