I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
