im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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