You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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