you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I want her autograph on my taint
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
