I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
