i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
