how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
