Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
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