Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Fuck appropriateness.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
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