what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
