I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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