This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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