woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Actions speak louder than pants.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
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