I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Randomize
