Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
