bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
