My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
