I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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