I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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