this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I just forgot I was standing up.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
