then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
