oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Is this like a preordered booty call?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
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