how hairy? two words: wookie tits
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
