he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
