On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This baby is an asshole
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
