He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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