i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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