Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
