I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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