New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
